Friday, January 8, 2010

Officer Down

 My memories with Josie are not unique in anyway, She did the same for all of us, but I have to put my memories into words so that those memories will not go unspoken.



I heard Sgt. Kimball's voice, and I knew he must have felt like the loneliest man on earth at that moment.
It sat me straight up in my bed, I had been half listening to the standard flow of Radio traffic until that moment. Now I was wide awake, my heart racing I knew exactly who was down, and I knew that in an instant our quiet little town would be shaken to its very core. And worse, I knew those men were somewhere around here. She had been taken down, that brave woman who had been there for countless members of our community was gone.

When you're from a small town its easy to get to know people, but this time it was the woman who had held my own mothers head above the water as she was seizing in a tub full of water.

A woman who took a Patrol Car down a snow packed ditch bank where no car belonged because she knew I couldn't stop those two young men alone.

It was the deputy that selflessly handed ME her spare flashlight that night on that cold desert. And as 15 or more men stood watching she placed the cuffs on those "big talking" young mens wrists. I remember the words those kids said to her, and the fire that it ignited in every man standing there, but we knew full well she could handle them. They were in good hands. I had lost her flashlight.

It was the woman who's own cry for help I had once responded too. One of her own was in need, and for a short moment, I was able to give back to her, in a small, small way.

I remember standing at the window of her truck one night when a medical call came through, it was CPR in progress, I just stepped back and said well I'll see you later. She began to pull away and then without ever stopping she shouted from her window: "How many compressions am I supposed to give again?"  I yelled back shaking my head, half laughing, 30... Josie, 30... I didn't think she had heard me with her siren wailing, but when I saw her at the hospital later, she came up to me and said: "You did say 30 right?" I said: Yes, and just laughed. She said: "HEY! Oak City is a long drive to remember that, Im glad I got it right" Ive never seen Josie not have it right.

"She was easy to love, and she loved everyone of us. She deserves our love, and gave us love undeserved."  -Josh Poulsen

Wednesday, January 6, 2010



I  made it for me
to remember you.

A hero was she
as shown by the blue.

I think you'll agree
it was early adieu.

God Bless You, Josie



Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Deputy Josie Greathouse Fox



It was just shortly after 1 A.M. I thought I was asleep, yet I heard every single word. And in a flash a wonderful Mother was gone. A life taken at the hands of an ill soul. Once something like that has your attention you cant stop listening. For over 8 hours now, I have listened as every inch of our county has been combed through block by block, mile by mile, by men dedicated to keeping the rest of us safe asleep in our homes. Its now nearing 10 AM, and one by one I can hear those tired and tried men going 10-42 safe at their homes. Josie wont be going 10-42 and she didn't get to go home safe this morning.

 I remember a few years ago waking up to Josie's panicked voice on the Radio, in desperate need of help for someone close to her. Just like last night I thought I was asleep, but something about her voice jolted me from my bed and into the Ambulance before the page ever went out, that night she made a difference in someones life. Last night She didn't get the chance to ask for help.

I will never forget Josie being there for me, and my family and the comfort she offered me knowing how difficult it is to face your own family in a bad situation. She knew exactly how it felt, I had watched her feel it, and I could feel that she really cared. And she wasn't the type to just care at that moment, she cared enough to help even hours after her shift was over.

Deputy Josie Greathouse Fox, gone but never forgotten.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Schadenfreude

And I actually *think* I spelled that right... But I dont have any German neuroscience books around to back me up... And honestly I dont know of any American English words that explain Schadenfreude.  How on earth can I get a word like that out of my lil head you ask? It was easy...somebody taught me, and I listened for a change. I remember thinking to myself at the time: "Thats the word to explain why its so fun to be and EMT!" I regret to say that shortly after developing that theory I was proven wrong, very wrong. There is something about dragging your own Mothers unconscious body out of a bathtub, as part of your job duty, that makes Schadenfreude suddenly a very inappropriate term for any "Thrill" that comes from being a EMT.... (PTSD, Much?) its about then that you start to think about those freakish stories about Cops being first to find dead family members ect. It changes you. But as usual I am rambling about something that has nothing to do with "My Point" today... I was born a rambling man?

It was a Lakota Indian teaching us in the Black Hills of Tennessee, that first introduced this thought to me.  I had personally driven cross country to be lectured by Native Americans, Psychologists and Neuro-scientists about how the fine art of Mental "Repair" is to be mastered. It was indeed one of the more enlightening experiences of my life. And I will never forget the piercing familiarity that each concept had to a general teaching of most Christian Standards including my own. And from that, I was able to substitute albeit mentaly the term "Schadenfreude" with the concept of "Envy" in similar fashion as described in the book of Proverbs.  Simply put envy will catch up to you, its a basic life principal. Not always in the way it grabbed me, by taking something that I much enjoyed doing (working as an EMT) and suddenly making it one of the most nightmarish visions that will be forever etched in my memory. And while for me, for the most part I have worked through that mentally to a point of being able to effectively and confidently perform any Emergency Medical task at hand, it has never felt the same.

My question to myself is WHICH feeling is right?

At present I have adopted the opinion that Oxytocin is the control center for that feeling technically described as "Envy". In my opinion that is the practical reason that each of us react distinctly to any given situation. Despite some groupable familiarities and differences between men and women, for the most part this is a highly "Personalized" part of who we are.

Now if you are thinking to yourself..."Josh, you need a life" well your right... But in the meantime dont hate me for thinking about yours : )