Reduce your Risk 2010

Its that time of year again! Time to make some promises for our big life goals in 2010! I have asked everyone on Facebook, but I want to include the Blog only group to do the same: Leave a comment as to 1 thing you are willing to change about your lifestyle in 2010 to reduce your risk of Cancer! There are lots of great ideas online, but post YOUR decision on here so everyone can share, and maybe youll inspire someone!

Keeping it simple....

As some of you may remember I attempted to keep an online Journal during my Cancer treatment. I have pretty much abandoned that site, and have just stuck to Facebook, and now possibly a little blogging... SO for now, dont expect any updates on the Caring Bridge page. Today is day 20 post treatment, and I feel... well I feel like the last 6 months were spent trying to poison my body and that its going to take more than 20 days to feel "all better" lol!

Sometimes you have nothing to say....

But thats not today... I have plenty to say, and I am just not in the mood to write... Its people like me that make blogging seem difficult.

'Twas the night before Christmas...

I was up around 7 A.M. thinking to myself that "Its here, the BIG day is here" the Legendary Night before Christmas. A night who's significance is etched in history by Glorious Visions, Bright Stars,a Humble Birth, and in the Timeless words of John Sullivan Dwight:

"It is the night of Our dear Saviour's birth.

Long lay the world In sin and error pining,

'Til He appear'd And the soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope The weary world rejoices,

For yonder breaks A new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees! O, hear the angels' voices!

O night divine, O night when Christ was born;"

 

What an Image! To reflect on those words, and the countless historical "Night Before Christmas" Stories that are shared year after year. My expectations for today, and tonight are distinct from those images of the well rehearsed past. But I am grateful for a lot of wonderful things this Christmas, and I am committed to spending some personal time reflecting on the True Meaning of Christmas.

Now you don't think that I am actually going to take time to write just about the Mushy Stuff of Christmas do you? Oh No...Not me! I have plenty to say about the reality of how I expect today to go. Allow me to share:  The in home hussle started about 7 A.M. there is still fudge to be made, and countless last minute gifts that need wrapped and delivered. Undoubtedly there will be Sports Highlights from this weeks biggest games cluttering the Televisions between Christmas Classics. Of course there is still traveling to be done, while I am where I need to be, my Dad and others still have hundreds of miles to cover in the next 24 hours. The trash cans are full, the 4 Wheeler needs to be put away, the front walk needs salt, the Wood Stove will need constant attention, oh and the phone, there will be lots of time spent recieving all those Happy Holiday text messages! As for tonights dinner, no one is certain who will be comming, and everyone is questioning which traditions must be carried on, while quietly allowing others to be forgoten forever.

Year after year, we grow eager for this magical night...  it has arrived!

 

 

 

 

My Therapist Suggested it...

Its a well documented fact, that I tend to drive people away when I decide I want to be left alone. But I am not consistent with "When" I want to be alone. Sometimes when I don’t feel well, I just want to ignore it, and go about my day, and other times, I want nothing more than to be served Chicken Noodle Soup, with hand pulled all white meat chicken, round cut carrots, no celery, and homemade round noodles in Bed. Some people think Im odd, but I am just me. This Christmas has been no exception.



I am grateful to be gaining some heath back to Celebrate, but I spend a lot of time thinking to myself, with all this Partying I am seeing VERY little recognition as to the True Meaning of Christmas. In my efforts to not spoil everyone’s Gay Ole Time, I have sort of just shut up, and spent a lot of time in my Green Chair. And this morning I found myself sorting through some thoughts about Family, and Symbolism, and the true Meaning of Christmas. If you still have Gifts to Wrap, I would save this exercise until a more appropriate time. In my experience you may start texting people at inappropriate hours.



“My 2009 Beanie Family” deserves some explanation. First of all, it was NOT based on an Idea from my Therapist, I have only spoke with a Therapist once during the mentionable past, and it was while I was in the Hospital in California, because they were concerned I might be angry. NO DUMBASSES I have an earache, like I had said about 14 times by the time he arrived. That said, "My Beanie" for this year, is the first one I have ever made for myself, and while I might say that its to show the Girls that I don’t need them to supply me with Beanies, the reality is, my personal preference is a Crochet Beanie Cap, (having been bald I am a lil picky about my Beanies) I attempted to Crochet a Beanie Cap, and honestly, I just Cant. SO my knitted beanie, is only an outward expression, not a true replacement of my NEED.



The Colors on “my” Beanie Cap Brim are Traditional Christmas Colors; Red, White, and Green which to most people would seem like the practical choice this time of year, while in reality, those Colors symbolize to me: Mexico. Honestly I think the connection comes to me as a mental attachment to Celebration. Every day in Mexico was like Christmas for me! Above the brim, is a thick, wooly white strictly knitted rows parallel rows, for me they symbolize all the great snow runs I plan to have this winter. There is a more complex explanation to each of the other beanies in the Photo, but I will just quickly note, that the Lil beanie cap is actually for my newest Niece, who I was given the blessing of selecting her name (I am known for choosing great names) “Emma” is due in February.

I need to get on the road, so long for now, stay safe in your Holiday Travels!

Its a guy thing....

Gibbons, you will probubly never see this, but I want you to know your the reason I have decided to be brave, and come out of the closet about my recently discovered ability to knitt beannies. (For those of you who dont know Gibbons, was a Mission Companion who also happens to love snow sports.) 

Girls, dont judge guys for their ability to use their hands for non traditional tasks.  It makes us feel bad. And besides, I have been given a few beannies, some great ones and some not so usefull ones. SO, dont judge me, and I wont judge you!

And hey! maybe if your nice to me maybe youll get a Josh Made Beannie Cap for Christmas! ; ) Ill post some pics later...

P.S. Despite the many requests for sweaters, and doggie clothes, I do not plan to extend my Product line past about 3 sizes of beannies.

Merry Christmas and
Happy Holidays!

Its Genetic?

Sometime long long ago, I came the conclusion that my Family wasnt exactly what the professionals would refer too as "Normal". So it always makes for a wonderful review of "Who" I think I closest too, or "Most Like" in my family. I am the oldest of 5 siblings, and the Only Child of my Parents. They divorced when I was a tike, and both have remarried, and divorced throughout my life. I love them both, but I dont take parental advice from either of them. That Role has been left up too various people in my Life, including My Grandparents,Some well respected Friends, and in Florida a  Teacher, and a Neighbor by the name of Mr. Ed. He influenced some of my most important years, and I think about him often.

Recently I have been given the privilage of reading through thousands of pages of medical history, and I have come to the conclusion that Physicaly I am "Most" like my Grandpa Dave. Between the two of us, we put a fair dent in the ICD codes. He passed away in 2002 after a very full, yet trying life.

What an introduction to the topic of "Dumb Ideas" which is really what I am getting after here. Several years ago, I began to bond with some long lost Cousins and soon discovered that they were very free spirited, and recreationaly creative. Soon, we were sleding behind Clydsedale hores, attaching Magnetic Drink mugs to the roof of the truck and driving down the freeway to watch people react, using staple guns to perform general cosmetic surgery, placing bets on who could down the Raw Egg, Cat food, and Mustard coctail the fastest, shooting eachother with airsoft guns, and most recently taking part in a Ceremonial Animal Shocking Device demonstration. (NO Animals were used during the testing or Ceremony).

Now I think I should explain a little bit of background as to some of what makes up my family:
Several Multi Champ Bull Riders, A few Pro Horse competitors, Several Professionals in the Medical field, Chemical Experts, Truck Drivers, a Pysicic, Musicians, Mechanics, Drug Addicts, and I even have a Cousin who I have never met that is in Prison for Murder.  That said it should come as no suprise to any of you that know me, I consider myself a bit of an "Outcast" at times. Now dont fool yourself, I have made my fair share of mistakes, But I kinda stand out as the Guy with a College Education, who Served a LDS Mission in a foriegn country, and I have spent the better part of my working life, working to solve someone elses problems.

 On any given day I communicate with people I consider great Friends varying in shape, size and Culture. Old, Young, Students I have taught, Teachers who taught me, Baptists, Catholics, and Mormons alike. I could comfortably introduce a stranger to a: Deaf Person, a Law Student, an Olympian, a Recovered Alcoholic, a Compulsive Gambler, a Straight man with HIV who has never used elicit drugs, a Gay man without HIV who works in the Construction Industry, and yes, even a African American! All of whom I consider my friends. (Sorry if I left you out :) ) Now thats not to say that I am anyone special for Modern day America, but Developing those relationships I believe has made me much more of the person that I am today, than my Genetic Code. OR SO I THOUGHT.

Today I found myself hiking to the top of large snow covered sand dunes, and racing down them on skis, and when that got old, I tied a rope to the back of the truck and while my Dad reenacted his favorite Driving Skills from Ice Road Truckers, I was tagging along behind the truck on my skis, perfecting my crossovers, all while dodging the open range sheep. So I guess no matter how classy or cultured or learned I attempt to become, I will forever be in my own way "ME" with a genetic destiny of Adventure.

I believe I am catching the vision of blogging.

The Power Of Nuts:

We all know that Guys are often accused of thinking with something besides our brains. Well I tend to agree with that accusation, now in all fairness I must disclose that this post is more about Neuroscience, Emotions, and Situational Awareness, NOT about hormone driven behavior. Sorry to disappoint you.


The Almond of Life. Nestled somewhere deep inside our brains (specifically I believe somewhere in the Medial Temporal Lobes) there are a group of nuclei formed similar to an Almond, scientifically referred to as "Amygdalae". For our purposes, we will call them our "nuts". The Almond is a Genetic relation to the Rose (well so is almost any flower or fruit producing tree) but to envision the difference of the two might be of some use to my "Point" today.

Every day, thousands of times over, our brain produces a response to a situation: Lights on, lights off. Hot, Cold. Fast, Slow. Good, Bad. Sweet, Bitter. Pain, Pleasure. ECT. To keep it simple neuroscience has described this response as "Fight/Flight". Our nuts are directly responsible for our individual Fight/Flight choices. And that’s something worth taking some time to discuss.


That feeling of disagreeing with someone you love, and the conflict of expressing your disagreement, while ensuring your love. (For guys it’s often the feeling of being punched in the chest with one arm, by a Girl who has the other arm wrapped around him so tight he can’t get away). Knowing that what you’re about to say is going to make someone upset, and then it doesn’t. That "click" of the harness on the Roller Coaster your best friend talked you into to trying. And then those times, when outwardly you go through the motions, and visible emotions as if everything were "Perfect" and then when it’s time to sign on the line your hand is shaking so much your signature gives the appearance of a victimized hostage? (Ever watched someone sign a Marriage License?)


All that from an Almond. Yes, folks you heard it here first. I have found that for me the best times in my life have been those little moments when I expected one thing and got something entirely different. Those are the experiences that make us who we are. And I would purpose that as a Culture if we are to thrive, it will be largely in part to the people who master the ability harness the potential of their "Nuts".
Some street level ideology on the thought: It is my belief that it is human misuse of nuts that has been the cause of these and other Social Realities:
*Blood Donation Shortages *Black Friday*Excessive Debt*Domestic Violence*Animal Abuse*War*Hate Crimes



While it is more clearly Humans using their nuts for a more responsible cause that have afforded us the beauty of things such as:

*Organ Transplants*Soup Kitchens*Adoption*Medical Miracles*Music*Forgiveness*Acceptance



It was not my intent in writing this to turn your thoughts to a specific thought or sudden change in our daily motions, but rather to invite each of us to look inward and explore our individual abilities to Change what needs changing.

I may or may not update this thing on a consistant basis... Time will tell..

I have always had mixed feelings about blogs, but on a whim, I have decided I need a bit of a social media outlet to some of what can clutter up my head. Stay tuned to see if I follow through!